I guess I must start off with the plain simple truth. I HATE WHO I'VE BECOME, there's no other way around it. I can't get out of the b/p cycle my weight is HUGE, I look bloated, disgusting and fat. On my Friday night I stayed at home, so i could b/p on my own my boyfriend played a show tonight and i made up an excuse on why i couldnt go. I've relized I'm a pathetic loser. Anyways ive been spitting up black in my phlem, im not exactly sure where it's coming from but oh well. Anyways I've been a total bitch to everyone, but i don't think they relize its my sad, cry fro help. My throat is harsh from screaming without sound. I'm tired of them( my fucked up excuse for a family) casting their judgement they say I'm the one whoes sick, I'm the one who needs help? HA! i learned all my tricks from them. I learned how to pick up the blade from my mother, i learnd how to throw up from my perfect skinny sister and i learned my disgusting complusive eating habbits form my drunken father, My therapist told me to have sympathy for them, but I don't have any more sympathy for anyone I have enough anger to go around anyone wants seconds? just shout.
I am not skinny, i look in the mirror and see a destroyed, damage, thing. a FAT, lazy, loser. I need help, i miss my therpy! i miss the hospital, but no one wants to take me there anymore. I don't think anyone relizes how crazy, fucked up, and hopeless I really am.
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